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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't that NSA informant just come back to USA? Because he's snowed in."

"If I get married I want my last name to be hyphenated. Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated."

"This girl just posted a status on Facebook which said:""F*CKING PHONE!!!!!!!!!"" Apparently, ""Can I watch?"" is not an appropriate reply."

"I was the kid your mom made you invite to your birthday party who then started crying and had to be picked up early."

"Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct Press 1 for the money 2 for the show"

"A man walks into an auto parts store and says ""I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo."" The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while then says ""Yup seems like a fair trade to me."""

"My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Candice ! Candice who ? Candice get any better !"

"What did the judge say to the repeat sex offender at his arraignment? [Damn, Daniel - back at it again with the white van.](http://therealcape.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/white-van-png.jpg)"

"My fairy godmother asked me if i wanted a long memory or a long penis... I don't remember what I said... ...but I have back problems now."