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Joke of the Day

"When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ""I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."""

"At what temperature is best to bake Jewish cookies? 6 million degrees!!!!"

"Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix? He was asking for directions."

"[Being murdered while eating a salad] Please sir will you stab the spinach out of my teeth don't let them find me like this"

"A love letter from a biscuit maker to a girl: Dear marie, today is good day, you are anmol for me, But u have crack jacked my heart, because i have a little heart, And now i m in 50/50 position."

"What do you call a piano composer that smokes? Tarcoughski"

"FLOTUS is an unfortunate acronym, like something left in the toilet bowl."

"A man walks into a bar... ""Ouch!"""

"I was an addict. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around."

"Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?"