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Joke of the Day

"When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ""I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."""

"Valentine's Day card idea: I'm like good sushi... You can eat me raw. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"A baby seal walked into a club My son has a new stuffed animal"

"How does Sean Connery's dog bark? Woofsh"

"Me: Do you want a burger or a hot dog? Her: Neither. I'm vegan. Me: Feel free to eat as much grass as you want."

"How is American beer comparable to having sex on a boat? It's fucking close to water."

"What do you call a guy with a shovel? Doug"

"I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone."

"I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa did. and not screaming like the passengers in the backseat."

"My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five."