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Joke of the Day

"[on a date] *wonders if she'll steal my fries while I use the restroom* *shakes Magic 8 ball* ""YES"" *takes plate of fries with me*"

"Son: ""Dad! My lsd is missing!"" Dad: ""We have bigger problems son, there's a dragon in the kitchen."""

"Just saw a kid go down a slide looking at an iPhone. End of the world or multi-tasking?"

"Jokes on her! I LIKE sleeping on the couch."

"It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*"

"French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. ""We swear at it"""

"What type of government rules the butterflies? A monarchy"

"What is the process for a terrorist kidnapping? Well, first Demascus, then they Baghdad!"

"If Kevin Bacon ever killed someone, the best a prosecutor could probably do is convict him of 6th degree murder."

"Science Joke :) Two scientists walk into a bar. Bartender: So what would you two like? Scientist 1: I'll have some H2O. Scientist 2: I'll have some H2O too. (H2O2)"