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Joke of the Day

"""Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?"" ""Church?"" ""K let's make 'em like that"" -- funeral home designers"

"My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues.... Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife. -Stuart Francis"

"Women may have claimed the $20 bill... But men still have all the common cents."

"I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon"

"Why does the NSA only do anal? Because they backdoor their way into everything."

"I talked to San Andreas about the earthquake yesterday. He said it wasn't his fault."

"My work ethic could best be described as ""procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."""

"ISIS ""Preventing the theft of unattended baggage since 1989"""

"Van Gogh's girlfriend: Oh my love! Why did you cut off your ear?! Van Gogh: pardon?"

"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."