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Joke of the Day

"I went to get a physical the other day... And the doctor told me that I had to stop masturbating. Shocked, I asked him ""why?"" He said I had to stop because he was giving me a physical."

"What do you call a tick on the moon? A lunatic"

"Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point!"

"I'm white, but... Nope. Can't do one of those today. Look, I'm at a B&B on Cape Cod right now. I'm a fanny pack away from translucent."

"""Oh look, rain! Wait, how do I drive again?"" - People"

"You can never be too OCD You can only be *just right*."

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"When's sex not work? When it's for play."

"DATING TIP: Size does matter! Tell her how big your TV is."

"Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy? Because all the roads lead to Rome."