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Joke of the Day

"I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back."

"My neighbor claims to have a large collection of classic arcade games but I think it's just a case of 1UPmanship."

"I think Bernie would win for sure if he had served in the military and reached the rank of Colonel And he would be sure to get the black vote."

"The definition of Irony: Your job sucks Your kids suck Your life sucks Your wife...doesn't"

"What if they make a movie about Leo's life and how he couldn't win an Oscar, and the dude who plays Leo wins an Oscar...AWKWARD!"

"Getting colagen injections in my lips next week 'cause, you know, 'tis the season to be Jolie."

"Cop: Know why I stopped u? ""Cuz im going too fast?"" Cop: Yes, slow down. ""But it's been 6 months-"" Cop: U can't move in with her yet."

"I had lots of cheese but no crackers... I was cracka-lackin."

"Why can't you tell knock knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings"

"Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE"