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Joke of the Day

"On our honeymoon, more than anything, I wanted to join the Mile High Club... ...but my wife didn't give a flying fuck"

"Playboy is starting a new magazine specifically for married men. It has the same centerfold every month!"

"The head of the 2016 Somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team... ...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events."

"Headline: World helium shortage over due to discovery of helium field. Scientist: (high voice) This new supply of helium is a game-changer"

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Udderly useless."

"Friend- ""God you eat so much. How do you do it?"" Me- ""It's easy, I just gain weight."""

"Why can't zombies play the blues? Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it."

"Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that"

"I accidentally said ""pastryarchy"" instead of ""patriarchy"" and now I have a vision for a better world"

"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same."