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Joke of the Day

"""Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem,"" I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct"

"Maybe I'd bother with cologne if my natural scent didn't make even elderly women violently ovulate."

"I'm wearing nike pants so you have to just do it..."

"Ladies what's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber"

"Two drunks come out of a bar... One says to the other: ""We gotta go back, I forgot to pee."" The other one replies: ""No problem, dude, I can teach you how to do it!"""

"while getting ready for the hurricane I noticed there was less people in the snack isle than the water isle... I'm just kidding, I live in America."

"[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif"

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

"Social butterfly? Nah. I'm more like a social Sasquatch. Some people swear they've seen me, but no one really believes them."

"New low: Looking in my purse and seeing my TV remote."