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Joke of the Day

"Spending a day at the beach is awesome when I dress the ugly girls with my eyes."

"What do you call cheese that is by itself? Provolone"

"Just did my holiday shopping. I've got so many shorts now; I'm swimming in them!"

"My boss told me to ""dress for the job you want, not the job you have."" Now I'm in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman."

"Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!"

"Your plastic surgery looks amazing. Your rotting, lifeless corpse is going to look so young. The other corpses will be so jealous."

"Why did they release Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 before 1, 2 & 3? Because off sequence, Yoda was."

"Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?"

"The town emergency siren sounds. I peer out my bedroom window. ""It can't be"" I mutter. ""Honey, grab the kids. Hot local singles are coming."""

"If my inlaws break a bylaw, does it make them outlaws? Would any lawyer be in a preposition to answer this one for me?"