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Joke of the Day
"When updating your status, always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out..."
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"I've invented a golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4 inches. They work brilliantly, just don't carry them in your back pocket."
"Why did the toilet make a joke about the balls? It was low hanging fruit."
"*dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger"
"*discovering flying dinosaur* PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for ""wing fingers"" ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*"
"The only requirement to work at Hot Topic is the manager has to be able to shove a softball through your ear gauges."
"My mom should have been on a plane that crashed on 9/11 *I* think."
"How long does it take to reach the ground from 100 stories up? The rest of your life."
"Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise."
"If you use the iPhone 6 upside down, boom, iPhone 9."