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Joke of the Day
"Why does my abusive mother hate vegetables? Beats me."
Next Joke
"[stops girl before she walks in the puddle] ""I got this one babe, *pulling out a straw* stand back"""
"*walks into son's room to find a recording of him snoring* Dear God *dials 911* Help, a wizard turned my son into a 90's cassette player"
"I was in Starbucks the other day and I saw a guy who dropped his coffee on the floor by mistake..... I said to the man ""wow, you actually dropped it like it's hot"""
"Sometimes I think my wife's a bit shallow I wouldn't want the dog digging her up"
"You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook don't worry I can"
"A ham sandwich walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, ""Do you serve food here?"" The bartender replies, ""No."" So the ham sandwich walks out."
"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It will take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick."
"My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton... Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right"
"Another tasteless joke about Alzheimer's? Forget it."