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Joke of the Day

"What two words would passengers never want to hear a pilot say? Allahu akbar"

"What does a footballer and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!"

"People that proudly carry their yoga mats around town... I get it. I carry my Burrito around with that same pride."

"If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer ""all sales are vinyl"" until I was fired. It would be worth it."

"It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to be going anywhere in life Hamster therapist: Sounds like you're in a vicious circle"

"You all need to stop with the gay jokes. Cum on guys!"

"Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it."

"I painted my computer black hoping it would run faster, but now it just doesn't work."

"A homeless guy outside played the Braveheart theme on a recorder. Pretty awesome. Not as awesome as having a house, but still, AWESOME."

"I contacted Screwfix the other day. Once again they have assured me they're not a dating agency."