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Joke of the Day

"I requested the number 867-5309 from my cellular provider because I like being annoyed to the point of rage."

"A set of jumper cables walks into a bar The waiter looks at him and says "" I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"What did the slutty DNA say to the other DNA? Unzip your genes."

"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?"

"Why did all the female pandas want to mate with that one male panda? Because he had the big bamboo."

"[installing program] Operation Status: 1 min left Me: Yes! Finally! *30 minutes later* Operation Status: 60 mins left Me: Wait. What?"

"My really jacked friend shockingly ran out of protein powder today. He told me and I was like, No Whey"

"Little boy blue. He needed the money. credit: Andrew Dice Clay"

"What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!"

"What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband right before she got on the Challenger Shuttle? Honey you feed the dog I'll feed the fish."