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Joke of the Day

"I think my optometrist is falling in love with me... Every time I leave his office he hands me a sample of contact solution and says, ""Eye care for you"""

"Feeling strange Mr. Bond? It's because I laced your Martini with a vaccine for Measles You now have Autism!"

"Why could'nt one cat impregnate the other cat?? Its because they're both pussies!!"

"Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"", but the Scotsman says ""Hey! McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""

"What is the cheapest meat? Deer testicles. They're under a Buck."

"Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment? Because everyone would get the same Marx."

"What's the deal with lampshades? If your gonna turn on a light... Why shade it."

"the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it's full of skeletons now"

"I don't have Great Expectations for my son. But I got him the other 13 Dicken's Books."