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Joke of the Day

"Guy: Can I get your number? Me: I kill plants for fun"

"People say I'm a completely different person when I'm drunk so technically I'm proud to say I never cheated before!"

"Me: let's try to catch snowflakes on our tongues! Wife: but we're inside.?. Me: shhhh, just close your eyes."

"SM A Masochist walks up to a Sadist. Masochist: Hurt me. HURT ME! Sadist: No."

"How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so."

"Mom! Mom! ""I want to play with grandpa"" ""Shut up I'm too tired to dig him up right now"""

"Like my grandma always says... put more booze in the mashed potatoes"

"Before my girlfriend Boyfriend: Did you fart before my girlfriend? Man: I didn't know it was her turn."

"U just HAD to be polite & hold the elevator for me. I could have had a nice, quiet ride alone. Instead, I had to be polite & talk about fall"

"Why did the bride's best friend become a Samurai... because she was made of honour."