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Joke of the Day

"and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE"

"""Ma'am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them"" - Oh no ""This is Debra"" - aww I like that ""And this is Depanties"""

"I heard diaria is hereditary It runs through your jeans"

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But why are you walking around giving men fish? That's weird, dude."

"In the midst of all this negativity and hate please take comfort in remembering that I have a 5 star uber passenger rating"

"Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine? Because Chernobyl fallout"

"How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Protestors don't change anything."

"How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One."

"I remember being told that everytime you shave it off, it grows back thicker Can't wait to see my new cock."

"Putting my grades up for adoption... Because I can't raise them."