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Joke of the Day

"My friend is so easy to manipulate... I once convinced him to go to the hospital by putting a piece of glass in his neck. ^Apologies ^to ^American ^Dad!"

"Why was the blind guy always so happy? He couldn't see any reason not to be!"

"Why are chemists always a part of the problem? Because they can never be a part of the solution."

"I heard the Daft Punk robots are headed to med school They'll soon be the Spin Doctors"

"I like my women like I like my food. Existent."

"Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocadoes in a supermarket... You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home."

"*date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you. *I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket."

"Why are gardeners good at spreading religion. Because they can plant churches."

"What do you call it when a photo of gay lovers falls from the wall and shatters into two pieces, tearing them apart? Broke back-mounting."

"Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise. If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?"