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Joke of the Day

"What sort of activity is eagle hunting classified as these days? ILLEAGLE activity."

"I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty..."

"Why aren't the Eagles worried about big cats sneaking up on them? They know there ain't no way to hide those lion eyes."

"""I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!"" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue"

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention We hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

"Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election! As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican"

"My wife was proud that I admitted to also being married to someone else ...she said it was big of me"

"A girl called me the other day and said ""Come on over, there's nobody home!"" I went over. Nobody was home."

"""Doctor! Doctor! I think I may have Alzheimers!"" ""We had this discussion last week, Mr. Smith."""

"If you spend ""up to $9000"" on my funeral it better be on some kind of mechanism that makes me sit up in the casket when people walk by."