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Joke of the Day

"I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life'. I said, ""No thanks, I'm already married."""

"The whole ""limiting myself to one glass of wine a day"" thing is going really great. I'm like 5 years ahead of schedule."

"What's the difference between a high-wire circus trapeze act and the Rockettes? One is a fantastic display of cunning stunts while the other is a fantastic display of stunning cunts"

"My standards are so high they just recorded a reggae song."

"Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention."

"I was trying to make a joke about leprechauns... ...but I came up short."

"He said he wanted to ""put more than just words in my mouth"" and I was like ""I hope you mean hamburgers."""

"What takes up 12 parking spaces? Six women drivers."

"""Grapey."" -me after every wine at the wine-tasting"

"Bombing Terrorists in Baghdad recently blew up a drainage system. Police there are calling it a sewer-side bombing.."