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Joke of the Day

"How do you hide an elephant up a cheery tree? Put it in the tree and paint it's balls red. What's the loudest noise in the world? A giraffe eating cherries Edit: not a cheery tree...cherry"

"When I was younger, I was given a choice: a good memory or a long dong. I can't remember which I chose."

"[spelling bee] Your word is 'effusive' ""E-F-F-U-S-I-V-E"" That is correct. What was your name? ""It's Siv"" I know lmao [hi5s other judge]"

"Me: What are you doing in your pajamas still? 3 year old: Eating frosting. Me: Fair enough."

"What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer."

"A company in India is releasing the first-ever ""smart shoe"" that connects with Google Maps to track your footsteps. ""Merry Christmas,"" said your wife."

"I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin."

"Trying to think of a funny Good Friday joke, I really want to NAIL it."

"Wife: Well, they say a mirror adds ten pounds. Me: That's a cam- Wife: ... Me: Yes. Yes they do."

"That spray tan made me smell like burnt hair & cat pee with a coconut twist. If I could bottle this stench, I'd call it Jersey Whore Breeze."