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Joke of the Day

"My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head."

"My doctor told me, ""DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm."" CHALLENGE ACCEPTED"

"Two muffins are sitting in a hot oven. Two muffins are sitting in a hot over. The first muffin sighs and says, ""gosh, it's so hot in here."" ""The second muffin exclaims, ""Ahh, a talking muffin!"""

"What do you get when you throw a rabbit at someone's head? Facial Hare"

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"

"[suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight K: Its chips & salsa M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*"

"Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby I'll check on that."

"What's green and can eat 50 hot dogs in a minute? Kobayoshi."

"My girlfriend is the best! My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out."

"What do you call a sudden fart? An institute."