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Joke of the Day

"My teacher called me into her office today. She totally wants my D To go up to a C."

"Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam."

"I don't drink about you anymore."

"As a large adult male I think I could probably last at least 30 seconds with Rhonda Rousey But probably less than 10 seconds in a fight against her."

"I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face."

"Morning meeting about improving communication cancelled because not everyone knew about it. I wish I could make this up."

"Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it."

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi"

"Hey Babe Hey babe. Are you a piece of art? Because I'd love to nail you against a wall."

"What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston? My car can hit 50."