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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar With a piece of asfalt in his hand, goes to the bartender and says ""Ill take 2 beers, one for me and one for the road"""

"I hate when I give people nicknames like ""stupid face"" on my phone and I cant remember who the stupid face is."

"My X made the worst coffee. I thought it was grounds for divorce."

"What's a cats favorite thing to read? A CATalog"

"If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you."

"How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn."

"I ate one of those orange Hostess cupcakes and now I have to live in the sewers."

"Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]? A: He's got his jogging suit on."

"When I was young I did stupid things because I didn't know any better. Now I know better and do stupid things because I miss being young."

"What is a group of Pedophiles called? A conclave!"