105857

Joke of the Day

"Why do aliens only abduct white people? Because they are easier to see in the dark."

"Why did Caitlyn Jenner have a differently spelled version of Caitlin? Because she can't get rid of the Y chromosome"

"When the Baltimore rioters looted the CVS, they stole everything except for the Father's Day cards."

"[Produce Aisle] Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave. *mouthful of like 20 grapes * ""That lady took one too!!"""

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"This sub Reddit is like rain on a mountain We don't know where it's going but it's going downhill fucking fast"

"I'm giving up spellcheck for Lant"

"What runs well and efficiently except when you need it to? The Seattle Seahawks"

"What's the difference between a prostitute's vagina and r/Jokes? The vagina gets new, *original* content injected into it regularly."

"You're probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect."