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Joke of the Day

"Boss: ""you're fired"" Me: ""I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree"""

"Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. One guy says: ""Man I wish I could do that"" The other guy replies: ""Ya, you may want to pet him first"""

"Wife: 2 is driving me crazy and I want to drive off a cliff. Me: No I need the car."

"Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack."

"I often agree to let my kids sleep over at other people's houses, just to remind parents that there are kids who are way worse than theirs."

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young?[nsfw] When you gotta make the train noise to get your cock in her mouth. EDIT: just helping you guys find your limits"

"I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting. I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located."

"why don't foot fetishists ever win anything? because they like the taste of defeat. i'm not even sorry."

"I'm glad chocolate bars come with resealable packages, so I can eat half now, and the other half 1 minute from now."

"If Apple made a car... Would it have Windows?"