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Joke of the Day

"four years ago I asked out the woman of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me!!! She said no both times."

"If you googled ""blood libel"" yesterday, you'd get a wikipedia link. Today you see Sarah Palin's face. I hope she says ""bukkake"" next."

"Favourite pickup line... Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow? Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight."

"Sometimes I like to stick a band aid on the middle of my forehead and when somebody asks what happened I tell them I got shot."

"What's the difference between a urologist and an anesthesiologist? An urologist plays with somebody else's penis during surgery."

"Soup baby What do you call a dead Ukrainian baby. Aborschtion"

"I bought a metronome recently, I left it in my car as I stopped at the bank machine for a minute, came back and it was gone, someone stole it but was caught... ...now I hear the thief is doing 2/4"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a repost."

"Why did the baker have smelly fingers? Because he kneaded a poo."

"Hey I figured out why they call it BENGAY! Cause love is hard on the knees!"