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Joke of the Day

"What do Donald Trump and JFK have in common? Nothing.. Yet."

"These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these day--oh goddamn it. Did you glue these to the floor, Carl?!"

"I don't think Nyquil knows what cherries taste like!"

"i dont think anyone quotes mlk more than white people who were just accused of racism themselves"

"[mom ridiculing me in front of new GF] ""Luke was afraid to go into family changing rooms until 22 because he thought he'd get a new family"""

"""I'm glad you're so normal. It's refreshing."" ""That's me- totally normal!"" *waves off mariachi band waiting in the wings*"

"*holds seashell to ear* new shell who dis"

"What do you call a gay dentist? A tooth fairy"

"Have you heard about the new emo-punk band taking Mexico by storm? They're called *Hispanic! At the Disco*."

"I don't bite the hand that feeds me. I lightly suck the thumb."