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Joke of the Day

"what do you do if life gives you lemonade? make lemons out of it and life will be like whaaaat?!?"

"My snack didn't taste very good. Now I'm gonna hafta cleanse the palate w a large buffalo chicken pizza for lunch I know. Life's tough."

"Why aren't there any Walmarts in the middle east? Because there's Targets around every corner."

"On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods."

"Keith Ape makes his mother a sandwich. She takes a bite and cries with joy. ""This is amazing! What kind of sandwich is this?"" She asks. ""It cheese ma."""

"I wish the dude that jogs around my neighborhood all day would wear a Super Mario costume. And occasionally duck into sewers."

"Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important."

"Sometimes I think I've missed my calling. Luckly for me I have voicemail."

"I'm so lazy, if autocorrect doesn't know the word after 3 letters I put my phone down."

"I hate it when people say ""Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish"". Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes. #WorldVeganDay"