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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a Muslim boy and Tim Cook? One doesn't get arrested to make shitty watches."

"I like my women like I like my wine... 7 years old and locked up in a cellar"

"""It's okay, man. There are a lot of fish in the sea."" -Weird way to comfort someone whose nephew has just died."

"Two fish are in a tank.. And one looks at the other and says, ""How do you drive this thing?"""

"I wish I was a helicase enzyme... ...because then I could unzip your genes"

"How much for the sentient racist skeleton? ""Sir, that's Ann Coulter..."""

"What does every funeral begin with? fun!"

"[Safari] ""Remember, when you're near water beware of wild hippos."" Don't worry, I'm prepared for that. *shows handful of white marbles*"

"Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said ""Watch out for worms won't you!"" The first one replied ""Why should I? They can watch out for themselves."""

"After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t."