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Joke of the Day

"I didn't have to shower alone today..... Related.......why the hell are there spiders in the winter?"

"Some good advice on how to pick up girls Bend at the knees and lift slowly. Avoid turning or twisting your body."

"What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? No one knows, he hasn't opened his presents yet."

"My friend was the best at Russian Roulette. He only lost once."

"I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out But they were all booked"

"Have you seen the inside of Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he."

"ME: Would you ever get a tattoo? DAD: I don't even highlight in books"

"I think if I was a lifeguard I would just talk shit through my megaphone. ""WHAT WERE YOU THINKING... WHO WEARS CARGO SHORTS TO THE POOL."""

"""You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead"" - my seven-year-old to me this morning"

"When does Eminem leave school? Aftermath"