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Joke of the Day

"God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying."

"What should you care? My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money, watch your health."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather."

"Women are like electrons Always trying to latch onto some Adam for a free ride"

"Instead of smoking cigarettes, switch to hanging just outside an establishment, casually repeating that you want to die."

"Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent? This is the last straw. He just lost my vote in 2020."

"How do you make a dog meow? Put it in the freezer for three days. Run it through a bandsaw. Meoooooow."

"Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me."

"My gf broke up with me. She thinks that I am childish... So, I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? ""BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING COOK IT!"" -Gordon Ramsay"

"The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house."