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Joke of the Day

"I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don't know what Juno was doing in their dreams."

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"Holmes said to his brother, ""Mycroft, all this heroin that Watson administers is making me terribly constipated."" And Mycroft responded, ""No shit, Sherlock?"""
"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest"
"[opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement."
"Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard"
"I'm unsure how I feel about my new mirror... ...I just haven't had time to reflect yet. www.ChippedBeefOnToast.com"
"Nobody loves your text conversation screenshot as much as you do."
"69% of people find something dirty in every sentence."
"I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said ""Final Notice""... Good that he will not bother me anymore."
"I was having the best day of my life But then I woke up."
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