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Joke of the Day

"Getting married lost its appeal as soon as I figured out that acquiring a maid of honor wasn't going to get my floors washed."

"My sister didn't believe me when I said I could drive spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta."

"If a clown farts... ... does it smell funny?"

"I just got diagnosed with the inability to feel emotions Now I'm sad"

"Don't be sad when you find expired food in your pantry. Be happy you outlived it."

"Playing the prequel to Angry Birds where the pigs fuck all the birds' wives."

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."

"Why can't witches get pregnant? Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!"

"I know I'm more literater than you because of my fancificacious vocabularianistic wordicisms."

"Woe, gone. RIP Sir Terry"