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Joke of the Day

"Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that."

"what vegetable really likes to party? turn-up"

"to my friend who was cooking steaks for the first time: you can either make steaks or mis-steaks."

"I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!"

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Donald Trump."

"Injured myself dancing last night but fortunately I'm eligible for Twerkman's Comp."

"Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE"

"Yo momma is so fat, the sorting hat put her in all four houses."

"What Do You Call a Rabbit with a Crooked Dick? Fucks Funny"

"Black eye Tom: ""Hey buddy, howya do...whoa! who gave you that black eye? Sam: ""My wife"" Tom: ""I thought she was out of town for the weekend."" Sam: ""So did I."""