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Joke of the Day

"Vampires are lost souls cause they can't just stop one day and look in the mirror and be like ""What am I doing with my life."""

"guy at seaworld: ""it's a cross between an eel and a shark, we're asking everyone to pick a name for him"" wife: ""steve"" me: ""sharkeel o'neal"""

"It smells like updog in this sub."

"Cheez-Its are hands down the BEST cheese flavored pronouns."

"What causes German Earthquakes? Teutonic Plates. I'm sorry I'll find my own way out"

"Who has two thumbs and wears a mask? Disguise!"

"A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything."

"Sorry I ate your frisbee bro, I thought it was a tortilla, I like to eat tortillas I find at the park."

"Did you hear Caitlyn Jenner got a new cat? It's a rottweiler."

"Overheard at the coffee shop: 'i think that guy is listening to our conversation'"