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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend got mad and said she need some time and distance as she left the house crying... I still don't get it why she wants to calculate the velocity"

"ME: Ok, that's everything in the dishwasher *closes dishwasher door* *turns it on* *turns around* TEASPOON: You're not gonna believe this"

"What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ? Trunkquilizers !"

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? because D shells dont fit"

"What do you call a rooster who is okay with his wife screwing other cocks? A cluckold."

"I was going to make a joke about amplifiers but I got too much negative feedback."

"I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or somebody is going to think were nuts."

"One windmill asked another what kind of music it likes The other windmill responded ""I'm a big metal fan"""

"That Schrodinger guy used to throw some great parties... ... about half the time."