103625

Joke of the Day

"No, wait. ""King"" is better. Yes, that's it for sure. ""King of the Rings."" It rhymes --Tolkien's suppressed last words"

"Why did the baseball player fail at the math test? He used base 3."

"So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his foreskin He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed."

"What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? They're old, promise you free shit and are red!"

"Dijon vu The feeling you've eaten this mustard before."

"Birdwatching by Jack Daw"

"America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and half is spent trying to lose weight, and half is spent on education."

"How do you kill a German? Put them in front of a red light in the middle of the desert."

"What did one empty beer bottle say to the other? ""I'm drunk."""

"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."