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Joke of the Day

"Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"These pants fit like a cheap hotel... No ballroom."

"Did you hear about the Mexican racist? he joined the que que que."

"Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. >:|"

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"I hate it when kids spell ""angel"" as ""angle"" They're just trying to be edgy."

"I hate when people look at me and proclaim ""well look what the cat dragged in"". Do I look like a dead bird, small rodent, or used tampon?"

"That boy is so dirty the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon."

"What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever."

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can, and the wisdom to know it won't make a difference."