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Joke of the Day

"from Jabba the Hutt's perspective Star Wars is the story of a guy who owed him money and then instead of paying had his friends murder him"

"me: [performing autopsy] so I've been practicing my ventriloquism assistant: now's not the time corpse: aw come on"

"A jewish Santa enters an house and asks... ""OK kids, what do you want to buy ?"""

"I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits."

"What do French athletes wear? Jaques straps"

"What do you call a cool bear?"

"Hey guys, I think I just got murdered but I'm not sure, and WebMD is like ZERO help."

"I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, my naked body, or the fact that I knew where he lived."

"Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope. "

"NSFW: ""Do you spit or swallow?"" I was out on a date with this girl, when I asked her, ""Do you spit or swallow?"" She slapped my face and stormed off... I'm never taking anyone to wine tasting again!!"