101831

Joke of the Day

"Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done"

"When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny."

"[5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator] Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine"

"Did you know that Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer? Too bad he never cries."

"I went to an illiterate psychic I couldn't get a reading"

"I call bullshit on the Chinese language. There's no way that shit is real."

"Political correctness... Is for faggots."

"Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions."

"What kind of papers do dogs write? A ruff draft."

"Guy finds secret trick into heaven... Gods hate him"