101717

Joke of the Day

"ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*"

"Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment"

"One potato asks another: -""Are you sure we are related?"" -""Yes I yam!"""

"Who hired those 10 Americans to go to Brazil and pretend like they like soccer?"

"[Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download..."

"How can you tell if a potato is baked? It's [eyes](http://i.imgur.com/KwCyY.jpg) are all red and glossy."

"There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat. He called it his pro-tractor"

"Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark."

"What did the brown cow say to the brown chicken? Brown chicken brown cow ;)"

"Roses are Red Roses are red I'm feeling elated I'm doing Gisele My balls are deflated"