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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital? The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available? The hip replacement guy!"

"(Possible trigger) I wanted to smoke a joint with some Mexicans today.. I asked if anybody had papers and they all ran."

"it's so crazy to think that, before the internet, real celebrities had to tattoo the little blue checkmark on their faces"

"Why do rednecks make the best sandwiches? Because they are in bread."

"Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!"

"What is brown and rhymes with Snoop Dr. Dre"

"So my girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her. Well, she's not a my girlfriend but she will be soon."

"Electrician jokes Ohm my god, watt the fuck, breakers be trippin'"

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? Investigator!"

"Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together."