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Joke of the Day

"We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the ""party"" isn't the surprise."

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"[Little Caesar's meeting] ""We need a new, clever slogan"" *everyone looks at Jim* Jim: Um... Pizza...Pizza? ""Jim...U just saved this company"""
"Drunk girls would be amazing lawyers if they cared about laws & freedoms as much as they cared about trying to convince people they're sober"
"SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about ""my mom's a lesbian now"" DAD: please don't"
"I almost got knocked out by a couple of celebrities recently.... Talk about seeing stars."
"Why did the joke on /r/jokes get removed? [removed]"
"Shoutout to toilet paper... ...for always being there for me while I'm having a shitty day."
"Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: ""Where's my tractor?"
"School buses are the clock blockers of my morning commute."
"A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past."
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