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Joke of the Day

"What is a terrorists favorite snack? An Allah Ak-bar"

"Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it."

"TECH TIP: to prolong your iPhone's battery life, keep it surrounded by a small Druidic altar of oak leaves and blanched chicken bones #tech"

"I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia and she whispered ""They're behind you."""

"Say, did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground? No? Well, well, well."

"Me: Time travel Interviewer: what's your biggest stren- holy shit"

"Bit of a dad joke - trains in jail Q. Why are trains always being falsely imprisoned? A. Because of their loco motives"

"Why can't I eat just one cookie and be happy???"

"Don't have your phone number posted on FB if you don't want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted."

"Princess Diana had dandruff. Cops found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment."