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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between one direction and futurama There's only one bender in futurama"

"An asshole What do you call a person who reads the punchline before the joke?"

"Why did the suicide bomber not show up to work? He got mad at the wrong alarm clock."

"In New York, someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"A lawyer, a high jumper and an Irish man walk up to a bar The lawyer passed it, the high jumper jumped over it and the Irish man went in and got wasted."

"What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time? tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))"

"One man gave his life, so you could have everything you ever wanted, and his name was JOHN CENA "

"Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol! Not consecutively, though."

"A sniper looks over a large crowd of people from his hidden perch. Over his earpiece, he is told to fire at will. He carefully spots his target, and shoots. ""Crap, that wasn't Will."""

"Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way? He was galactose intolerant."