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Joke of the Day

"I love spending my Sundays sat watching the F1. My wife thinks I'm going f*cking mental though, just sitting there staring at the top left of my keyboard for several hours at a time."

Next Joke
 
"Employer: ""In this job we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."""
"I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."
"What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter? They BURy it"
"How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing? Let's just say he felt overall sadness."
"TIFU by messing up my wife's Subway order. Whoops, wrong sub."
"My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help."
"Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed? Because they finish each other's sentences"
"""Why does everyone hate me?"" I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on."
"Did you hear about that new restaurant they put on the moon? Supposed to have great food but there's just no atmosphere..."