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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting a vanity plate that reads ""B Pitt"" because I like people to be disappointed when they look at me."

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"""You can't tell me we going to get tacos, then say we going to do acid instead"" whoever I heard say this on the street yesterday Plz explain"
"You got problems with parenting... You start to get headaches. I follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: ""Take two and keep away from children."""
"What did the guy say when he found out that his wife's breast s had implants? ""THOSE ARE SILLY CONES"""
"Why didn't Silento knock before coming inside? Because you already know who it's isss! My little sister told me this joke."
"When your kid makes a funny face, say they will stick that way, then show them the thousands of girls with duck lips on Instagram."
"Two penguins are chilling in Antarctica. One turns to the other and says, ""Yo, it's really fucking cold."" The other quickly looks at the penguin and exclaims, ""Oh my god! You can talk!"""
"Why was the broom late? Because it over swept! (Source: Thomas and Friends - Edward the hero)"
"What do you call a homosexuals hand when he masturbates? What do you call a homosexuals palm when he masturbates? His right-hand man....."
"I just invented a new word Plagiarism"