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Joke of the Day
"I sometimes feel kinda brave until I see a slightly above average size moth."
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"""Hey! I don't remember all those CGI space-dudes at the reception!""--George Lucas's wife re-watching their old wedding vids."
"*flips cap backwards* son, let's keep it real *puts on another cap* the realest *puts on suit made of backwards caps* REALality. word."
"What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a shipcarrying blue paint? Both crews were marooned."
"What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat? A weasel is weasily recognised and a stoat is stoatally different!"
"*walks into the hottest restaurant w/out a reservation* We're fully booked ""Ahem, I'm Yelp reviewer TURDBONER69"" Sorry sir right this way"
"""May I take your order?"" the waiter asked. ""Yes how do you prepare your chickens?"" ""Nothing special sir"" he replied. ""We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."""
"When I said I respect our boys in blue I meant the blue man group"
"I like my coffee like I like my slaves. Free."
"Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener? Because he was good at pulling weed"