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Joke of the Day
"Today I quit drinking for good now I only drink for evil"
Next Joke
"Well I guess it's time we change Philip Seymour Hoffman's name to Philip Seeyanomour Hoffman!"
"Weddings r cool bc u can cry in public about other stuff as long as u look in the general direction of the bride + groom"
"Starting with the word ""why"" and always pressing the middle option, what joke is your predictive text trying to tell us all?"
"What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my chest."
"Indiana - A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the cash, the man fled--leaving his wallet on the counter."
"Did you hear about the guy who told everyone goodbye and then didn't leave? It was much adieu about nothing."
"[first day as a midwife] ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head! NURSE: You're at the wrong end."
"Archaeologists digging on a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche."
"boys love girls who go barefoot in the summer and comment on the texture of grass and say ""ouch rocks"" when walking on rocks"