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Joke of the Day

"I'm so poor that for Christmas my mom cut a hole in my pants so I would have something to play with."

"Judging from the sounds in my trunk this guy would have had an excellent career as a drummer."

"If you're having reception problems with your phone... Just shove an antenna up a girl's ass, then yell at her face. Then you will officially have a receptionIST!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Give a man a cat and he eats for a day. Give him too many cats, and people will be like, ""Are you giving cats to that guy who eats cats?!?"""

"What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter? Camenbert"

"SHUT UP. BEES CAN'T SPELL."

"[job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times"

"I may have dry humped the Oreo section at the supermarket today, but I'm not telling. Just kidding, I totally did!"

"Cop: Why are your eyes bloodshot? Me: My girlfriend dumped me and I was crying... Cop: Oh. Me: ...so I smoked weed to feel better."

"Me: Can I pet your dog? Stranger: sure M: one more time S: uh, ok M: again S: maybe you should get your own M: pet S: we have to go M: mine"